We understand that it is sometimes much easier to blame someone else when we do something that makes us feel ashamed or uncomfortable. Why do we do this?

Well, for a start
• it makes us feel better
• by blaming someone or something else, we don’t have to take responsibility for our behaviour
• it’s always easier to blame someone else than admit that  we did something in the first place

Do any of these sound familiar?

‘I just lost it, there was nothing I could do.’

‘She knows what I’m like and is still with me, so it must be ok.’

‘She nags me and pushes me to react.’

‘She wouldn’t leave me alone.’

‘She knows what to say and do to make me angry.’

‘I was drunk.’

‘If she didn’t do certain things, then I wouldn’t have to teach her a lesson.’

‘It’s my problems at work that are to blame.’

‘Money worries get me stressed out and I hit out.’

‘The children running amok makes me stressed out at home.’

‘Being this way is all I’ve ever known, it’s the way it was when I was a kid.’

The above reasons are never excuses for domestic violence. But we often use them.